is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize