Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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