Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize