mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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