just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize