i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize