Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
