What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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