You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
