census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
