he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
