Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
