i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
