We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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