Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
