He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
