my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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