i just wanna soil my oats bro
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He passed out mid-signature
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
