I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
