I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Randomize
