well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
