Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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