I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
soo... how was my night?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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