my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize