if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
