I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
