Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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