Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
