just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
BRING THE BAGELS
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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