She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize