and you said cock pushups were impossible
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
