I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize