She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
