A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I'm really busy with my period
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