Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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