You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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