Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
foreskin is a definite game changer
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
