I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
