I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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