Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
