even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm too high and old for this...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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