Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
