Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
