I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
