im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
