no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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