Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I think my moral compass just broke
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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