My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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