If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
