No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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