Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
