My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
A bitchslap is in order.
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