just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize