I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
