Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize