I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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