He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
