Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize
