hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
