I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
