So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
