My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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