Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
