I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
