Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
