So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
